Almost three weeks of Uni and I am already tired… and stressed. I feel like I’m sleeping in a soap bubble and concepts and ideas are in floating around me and I like some of them and everything seems solved, but then I find another one and I try to link them together but sometimes you just can’t! You know?? You can’t, they don’t go well together and you want them both!!
But I try not to panic, you know? I mean… all I want is to get it over with and that’s it. Anything can happen, really. Plus, all this stressing about “my art” and my school assignments is interfering with my happiness project!! I was supposed to be in bed right now, sleeping, dreaming… resting. Oh, well, no need to be sad about that. One failed day is no reason to quit, right?
It’s funny how I never write on this blog when I’m sad. I used to do that a lot, but lately I don’t feel like sharing… I don’t have tragedies to be sad about, just little things and moody days.
Right now I am mainly sad because the house is a mess and I am in no mood for cleaning it. Also because I have no idea what to for my BIG project this year – I’m in my last year of University and I also have no idea what I’m gonna do after. I keep reading that it’s ok to be clueless in your early twenties – but is it? After this year I’ll have to get a job, you know? That’s not easy. I don’t even know what job I want…
But my hubby is going to give me a massage and then I’ll spend three hours in the shower brooding over all these things that contribute to my sadness.
Herbstfest is a German festival that I attended this weekend. It doesn’t take place in Germany, but it’s fun anyway! So October is officially my favourite month – it’s Halloween, it’s sunny and rainy and awesome and Cluj has tons of festivals going on! I mean… just this weekend we had three or four festivals – isn’t that crazy?
me and my boyfriend changing roles
Saturday was a great day for me! It started with an awesome brunch. We had a friend over and made crepes with Nutella, bananas and biscuits. And then we went to the German festival where we had a 10 minute course of German – and now I want to learn the language (but I will do that next year, hopefully).
Then we went for a walk in the park and visited Bookfest again. We entered the contest to win any three books from the fest and I want to win because my books are awesome – I picked Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro (since I didn’t buy it), Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides and a book by Truman Capote. They aren’t much, they aren’t that expensive so pick me, choose me, give me those lovely books!!
After the walk and picking chestnuts and colored leaves we went to eat and I had a delicious Falafel, since I rarely eat meat.
And then Herbstfest had a nice show with German Shepherd dogs and get ready to see tons of pictures with those awesome dogs (also… more on my tumblr). German Shepherd is my favourite dog breed because I grew up with them. My uncle has a huge passion for dogs and he had a German Shepherd called Lassie – I don’t remember her because she died when I was about three, but then he bought another German Shepherd called Lord and he was my pal until I was 15! Then he moved and I only saw Lord from time to time, he died when I was 17. So yeah… those dogs were my best friends for a long time – I don’t remember my adventure with Lassie but my family told them to me hundreds of times and they are part of my memories now.
Spam with bad quality pictures (I was way to excited for the show to pay attention to the camera) of awesome dogs (most of the dogs you are about to see are trained and prepared to be loyal friends, protectors but also to save people and some of them participated in missions and helped saved the life of humans so they are really really great dogs!):
Mada told me a couple of days ago that she misses my blog posts. That was really cute and adorable of her and it got me thinking. I also thought about the blog, a few days ago, while on the toilet… too many details? Well details are really fun. But let’s go back to the point I was trying to make… is there any point? I don’t really know.
So! In September I started this thing I saw on tumblr – 9 things to work on (because September is the 9th month, you know?) this month. And I want to continue in October too but finding 10 things is pretty hard and I was thinking about making this month just about one big thing – and it’s not Halloween! That’s when I felt the need to make a post on my blog about this and I remembered… oh, I used to have a blog!
I had a blog during high school and it was awesome, but once I left for college it just wasn’t the same. So I started new blogs and new blogs, but I think my relation with blogging changed. Also, probably my readers change and with my previous awesome blog I met people I am friends with today – first we were comment-pals, then pen-pals and now one of my pen-pals is in the town I am living right now and now we are real-life-pals. Can you believe that? I also met a more of my readers, one of them even spent some night in my house. I guess what I’m trying to say is that internet is awesome and having a blog was my way of making new friends. And that’s exactly what this blog is missing, I guess.
But maybe this should be the reason not to stop blogging, right? Oh, I don’t know. I feel like I am not making sense at all, but whatever. I might be back. I will try to write. Till then… I’ll be on tumblr.
I find it funny how I talk about holidays when I am in my last summer holiday. How should I call them then? Vacations? Neah, holiday just sounds better. It’s been a week since I came back from my holiday and for the first time since I moved in Cluj this place finally feels like HOME. Before I used to say I have a lot of homes – Mom’s house was home, the place I live in more than nine months a year was also called home, but right now this place is the only home.
I went on my holiday to Mom’s house, in the small town I was born in. That place was clean, bright and my room was the same, but something was missing – that “home-feeling” wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t even unpack. It was just like sitting in a nice hotel, surrounded by family, eating grandma’s delicious food. Then I returned to this little room with bad electricity system, broken sink in the kitchen and a lot of mess everywhere. Yet, this place feels like home. It seems I can’t have two homes anymore. Sometimes things just don’t work out, I guess, and I have to adapt to the change.
I had a fun week since I returned home (I had a fun week in my holiday too!), but life wasn’t bright pink or anything like that. After all, there are ups and downs to everything on life. At least this place has that ‘home-feeling’ and I can always feel safe inside no matter how dirty or broken it is. Now I just have to find a part-time job, finish my last year of Uni and then find the perfect job. The future sounds terribly frightening!
But this is going to be the best summer! It’s not just the small apartment that feels like home, it’s the entire city and the people in it.
Since Tuesday I keep saying to myself: “Now you woke up so you can write a blog post” but things just come my way and I have to go there and do that and hug someone or help Mom or play games or go to the gym. Then I get home from being there, doing that, hugging, helping, laughing, talking, working out, eating and I am too tired to write so I say “It’s OK, I am going to write a blog post when I wake up!” And the funniest part is that I actually believe myself.
Now it’s Friday I am finally writing and this is happening just because I know how busy I am going to be after I publish this! I will go and meet with my personal trainer, well, she is my Pilates/Step Aerobic/Gym Ball trainer but she knows I am only here for a week so she makes me work out a lot and she takes me jogging and today we meet to talk about nutrition and stuff and then to do some more Step Aerobic. After this I will go to my best friend’s home because she is going to be back from Bucharest – where she lives and works this summer-, and I am going to kidnap her after I see and hug her mom. And then we will have a sleepover!
But guess what!! Last night I had a sleepover with three boys – oh, stop thinking about dirty stuff, we just played a lot of Cluedo, some Scotland Yard and a lot of Wii games. We tried to figure out the wireless network but failed miserably. We talked and had fun. Did I mention we played a lot of Cluedo? These guys loved Cluedo and I am glad they did because it’s an awesome game. We didn’t even notice it was morning because of their Cluedo enthusiasm. Oh, and I had to make the games with a printer and a lot of things because the board-games are in Cluj. But it was all worth it!
After tonight’s sleepover with my best friend I will go swimming (FINALLY!) and have a barbecue with my family and some family friends. Then on Sunday morning I want to see one of my dearest professor but it might not happen and then I will depart to Bucharest and I am FINALLY going to go to Mircea Cantor’s exhibition at MNAC (National Museum of Contemporary Art from Bucharest) and then I will do things with my other friends that are still in Bucharest… and that will happen until Wednesday early morning when I will take a train and go back in Cluj.
Since my Sunday-Tuesday is probably going to be a little bit hectic I will not write my Otaku Sunday on Sunday – but this is no news for you, guys. I will try to get it up on Monday because I’ll spend time with my best friend Mih and do you know who she is? You probably do since I mention her in almost every Otaku Sunday post. We might watch some anime or manga and I will probably have a folder with her recommendation only. If I don’t write on Monday then I probably tied her up and made her watch Game of Thrones again – it happened once! But fear not, I will do my best to post something on Monday and if I don’t I will just have to write two Otaku Sundays next Sunday (next Sunday as in next next Sunday when I will relax in Cluj).
After my trip is over I will try to write a blog post with details and impressions and I will definitely miss everyone – especially my Mom… and my cat:
I am just an introvert. It’s funny how nowadays the extrovert is the ideal type, the perfect example of how we should act. But the world is not made only by extroverts and being an introvert is not something bad. I just started reading Quiet. The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain and it’s an amazing book that talks about introverts and extroverts and how these are just two personality types and we shouldn’t praise one more than the other.
However, life is hard when you are an introvert, a shy person and have social anxiety. And I am so lucky that I got that combo! And every time I have to do something outside my comfort zone that involves talking I become red as a tomato and my hands get all sweaty and I am shaking and sometimes I am scared I might just have a panic attack. And every single time I just wish I was a little bit more like an extrovert.
In high school I thought I was the only one dealing with this, but fortunately then I didn’t need to put myself out there, outside my comfort zone. But now I am the only one who can solve my problems and I can’t send anyone else to talk instead of me. But I also learned that I am not alone.
It happened the last semester when I really had to talk to a professor and my friend P. had to do the same thing. Both of us stood in front of the door trying to convince one another to knock and enter. “You go first!” “No, you go first!”. Both red like tomatoes, shaking and with sweaty hands. Finally I knocked. And that was the start of a nice friendship between two introverts.
Last week we went to a sleepover. Just us, girls, drinking wine and sharing stories. Everything was fun and pretty until one of the girls brought her boyfriend and two or three friends of his. People were still laughing, still drinking and sharing stories, but I went in my corner away from the center of the attention. Moments later P. was next to me. We just couldn’t deal with that big group of people and that was alright.
The next day we woke up early and went to the school to work on our etching plates. We talked about how the party died for us in the moment the intruders came, about the book of Susan Cain, about how sometimes we would rather stay home cuddled up with a book or a TV show instead of going out or partying. And it’s not because we don’t like parties or spending time with our friends.
We both felt a little less lonely that morning and the night before.