Almost three weeks of Uni and I am already tired… and stressed. I feel like I’m sleeping in a soap bubble and concepts and ideas are in floating around me and I like some of them and everything seems solved, but then I find another one and I try to link them together but sometimes you just can’t! You know?? You can’t, they don’t go well together and you want them both!!
But I try not to panic, you know? I mean… all I want is to get it over with and that’s it. Anything can happen, really. Plus, all this stressing about “my art” and my school assignments is interfering with my happiness project!! I was supposed to be in bed right now, sleeping, dreaming… resting. Oh, well, no need to be sad about that. One failed day is no reason to quit, right?
I am just an introvert. It’s funny how nowadays the extrovert is the ideal type, the perfect example of how we should act. But the world is not made only by extroverts and being an introvert is not something bad. I just started reading Quiet. The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain and it’s an amazing book that talks about introverts and extroverts and how these are just two personality types and we shouldn’t praise one more than the other.
However, life is hard when you are an introvert, a shy person and have social anxiety. And I am so lucky that I got that combo! And every time I have to do something outside my comfort zone that involves talking I become red as a tomato and my hands get all sweaty and I am shaking and sometimes I am scared I might just have a panic attack. And every single time I just wish I was a little bit more like an extrovert.
In high school I thought I was the only one dealing with this, but fortunately then I didn’t need to put myself out there, outside my comfort zone. But now I am the only one who can solve my problems and I can’t send anyone else to talk instead of me. But I also learned that I am not alone.
It happened the last semester when I really had to talk to a professor and my friend P. had to do the same thing. Both of us stood in front of the door trying to convince one another to knock and enter. “You go first!” “No, you go first!”. Both red like tomatoes, shaking and with sweaty hands. Finally I knocked. And that was the start of a nice friendship between two introverts.
Last week we went to a sleepover. Just us, girls, drinking wine and sharing stories. Everything was fun and pretty until one of the girls brought her boyfriend and two or three friends of his. People were still laughing, still drinking and sharing stories, but I went in my corner away from the center of the attention. Moments later P. was next to me. We just couldn’t deal with that big group of people and that was alright.
The next day we woke up early and went to the school to work on our etching plates. We talked about how the party died for us in the moment the intruders came, about the book of Susan Cain, about how sometimes we would rather stay home cuddled up with a book or a TV show instead of going out or partying. And it’s not because we don’t like parties or spending time with our friends.
We both felt a little less lonely that morning and the night before.
I find it very hard to… just sit down, open the dashboard, start a new post and write. I have the ideas, I don’t have the time or that right moment when I am really in the mood for blogging. For example… yesterday I was pretty busy, then after I finished working on a thing for my Etching class I said to myself that after my shower I will just sit down, drink a nice hot mint tea (or any other herbal tea) and write. I took the shower, came in bed, opened the laptop and… fell asleep.
Also, this morning I was really really really in the mood for writing a blog post but I really had to go to Uni to work some more for my Etching class and to talk with the professor form Alternative Investigations in Composition and then to meet with my Graphic Design professor for the exam. From my house to my bus station I composed the prettiest blog post ever (well, not really) but then I came home, tired and grumpy, made some banana pancakes to make myself happy, some friends crashed our house and we drank some beer, then I went shopping with my hubby for ice-cream and other stuff.
Now I am even more tired and a little bit tipsy, hubby is cooking and I must finish some posters, work on the children book and get it read it for the print, and maybe, just maybe, do some more stuff for my Alternative Investigations in Composition class. And I am not in the mood to write the post I had in mind this morning, but tomorrow I won’t go to sleep that early and I hope I will make some time for you, dear blog.
Since my March Goals weren’t exactly a hit I am not sure if to dare myself do some things in April… But let’s face it, the things I failed to do in March weren’t directly my failures: snow, rain, wind, Winter is back = no jogging and the SFC is no more (might be my fault, right? But I don’t know for sure). That being said, the make-the-bed thing and the eat breakfast daily worked great! So, yeah, let’s set some goals for April too.
- I wanna read more! This year is definitely better than last year when it comes to reading, but there’s still place for improvement. The problem is that I start way too many books. But I will finish them, I am really positive! Right now I am reading the third book from the Harry Potter series (this year I plan to reread the books and have a movie marathon after!), the first book from A Song of Ice and Fire series – it’s a huge book but I love it and I love the TV show so… bad part is that I am reading it on the PC and there’s always something to do on the PC (I will probably try to buy a Kindle or something, after I rob a bank obviously), the second book from the Sookie Stackhouse novels – I love the TV show here too but they are pretty different and it’s like reading different stories with the same characters. Plus some non-fiction books: one about spirituality and stuff like that, one about health and how to treat different stuff at home (since I hate hospitals, doctors and I hate even more going there without my Mum – I am still a CHILD!!) and one about women and health and womanly stuff. Oh, and I also read a nice book about history that also has scientific facts in it and it’s pretty great too. And there are also books for school (including a book in French on Contemporary Art – it’s pretty hard to read since my French is not that good). I love reading, too bad I don’t have time to read everything I want – but the Easter break is close!!
- Work more for Uni! And probably finish some stuff like the 1st Photography assignment and the posters for the music events and the comic book and the illustration book and the book-object. So many things to do in one month!! And then there’s the Easter break and then three more weeks and THEN FINALS!! And I am already panicking! HELP! But I just have to get my head back in the game and work, work, work. Easier said than done.
- Speaking of learning stuff and school… another goal is to learn all the Hiragana signs! I am having some problems like after I learn new signs I kinda forget some of the old ones but not all of them. No problem, really, ’cause I practice everyday and I know this will help.
- Since jogging might not happen to soon (weather is still crazy here) I am going to focus more on Pilates! And I do the Blogilates videos since February but this month I want to do all the videos from the April Calendar (check her blog to get it). I am not going to do them like they are in the calendar because there are days when I just don’t have time to do all the videos, but there are days when I have time to do more than the videos for that day so, yeah, I accept Cassey’s challenge: 127 videos in one month! I love Cassey… well, it’s more like a love-hate relationship because during some workouts I want to kill her or when I wake up all sore I want to kill her again but I do love her because during the workouts she knows how to make you not stop even when it hurts like hell and she has such a bubbly personality that it makes you wanna do more and more videos!!
I guess this is it! Four seems like a reasonable number of goals for a month, right?
Oh, there is also April NaNoWriMo Camp and I am doing that too but I am writing a Harry Potter fan-fiction and it’s pretty easy because all I did was invent a new character and my fan-fiction focuses more on that character, but let’s face it, half of the work is already done (kudos to J.K. Rowling who invented that wonderful world). But in November I won’t write a fan-fiction and there is also a NaNo Camp in July but I don’t know yet what to write for it – since it’s the Summer holiday it won’t really be a problem.
Let’s hope this month will go better than the last one! *happykitty*